Are you listening?

What is listening? Listening is defined as the act of hearing attentively. Being an effective listener takes practice and effort. Think of a time when you had a conversation with your boss, loved one or a friend, did you really listen to them, not just hear the words, hear what they were actually saying and conveying to you in the conversation? Were you really listening or simply thinking about what you were going to say next?

There are a number of important points to be an effective listener. Firstly, you must STOP talking and give the other person time, space and silence to complete their sentence. It is quite common for people to pause before something else is said. Wait for that pause!

Another key point in effective listening is to paraphrase, summarise and clarify what the other person has said. This has the purpose of demonstrating that you are listening to them and enables you to understand the other person’s perception or point of view that is being communicated.

In any communication you must focus on the other person. By focusing on the other person they will feel acknowledged and valued for their communication. By focusing you must remove all distractions such as the email program popping up every few seconds with “new message”, mobile telephone to be on silent or vibrate and television switched off. Also, avoid looking at your watch or the clock as this will show to the other person that you have something else to do or you do not have time for them.

Importantly you must listen without making judgements.  Remember you are there for the other person, and while they are speaking to you, the communication is all about them.

In being an effective listener you must listen for what is not being said. Often body language of the other person will be incongruent with what is being said. For example, the person is saying yes they will do something and their head is going from left to right. Clearly verbally they are saying yes however with their body language they are saying no.

The next time you are listening to someone, are you providing the other person with space, silence and allowing them to pause, are you paraphrasing what has been said, are you 100% focused on the other person, are you listening without making value judgements and finally, are you listening for what is not being said? By using these principles your communication will move to a new level of excellence.