What is a strategy? Why elicit a strategy in NLP?

The NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming definition of a strategy is “a specific syntax of internal and external human experience that consistently produces a specific outcome”. In easy to understand terms, a strategy is the steps that you take to produce certain behaviour.

In life, at work or in your own business you have a strategy for everything. You have a strategy for learning new material at work, you have a strategy for playing football on the weekend, you have a strategy for being happy, and you have a strategy for anything such as wealth, relaxation, motivation, marketing, procrastination, eating, or buying. In fact everything you do each and every day of your life has a strategy.

In NLP a strategy is elicited so that it can be used to improve outcomes/behaviour and in other cases a strategy can be modified to get rid of behaviour you do not want or serve you in some way. When eliciting a strategy various questions are asked to determine internal and external modalities such as visual, auditory, kinesthetic, or auditory digital.

As an example, you may want to determine someone’s buying strategy. In asking questions you will determine initially whether they see something (visual), hear something (auditory), feeling something (kinesthetic) or saying something to themselves (auditory digital). A buying strategy may result in the following modalities: a person is purchasing a new pair of running shoes and initially they see the shoes in the store window (visual), then they picture them on their feet (visual) and that picture gives them a good feeling (kinesthetic). In further questioning it is elicited that they know the shoes were the right ones and the price was right (auditory digital). The modalities of this buying strategy are visual, visual, kinesthetic and auditory digital. If this strategy was resulting in impulse buying then additional steps could be placed into the strategy to prevent the unwanted behaviour of impulse purchasing.

In summary a strategy are the steps you take to produce certain behaviour or achieve specific outcomes. In NLP a strategy is only changed when the existing strategy is not producing the most effective behaviour. Are there any strategies you would like to change? 

NLP and the Hierarchy of Ideas

In any communication, language (words) consists of 7%, tonality being 38% and 55% related to your physiology. Generally, the language you use is unconscious as you don’t think about the words that are coming out of your mouth. 

It is important that you learn to use language in such a way that it is in your conscious awareness and produces the kind of response that you really want. One way of using language more effectively to produce desired results is to apply the hierarchy of ideas. The hierarchy of ideas is all about moving from the abstract to the specific in language.

Abstract or vague language is all about getting the big picture of an idea or situation. It is like getting the vision. In NLP, the use of such language is known as “chunking up” and questions asked include: “what is this an example of…?”, “for what purpose…?” or “what is your intention…?’. Chunking up or abstract language is useful for negotiation as negotiation is essentially the process of gaining agreement and agreement is only possible by being abstract. By using vague language with someone you can identify motivating or deep needs of that person. 

Specific or detailed language is known as “chunking down” or getting to the details or distinction of a situation. Common questions asked to chunk down include: “what are examples of this…?”, or “what specifically…?” For example, if you were feeling overwhelmed in a certain situation, by asking yourself “what specifically am I overwhelmed about…?” will help you to find a solution to the source of being overwhelmed.

By using the hierarchy of ideas either chunking up (vague or abstract) or chunking down (specific) will assist you to use language that will produce the desired results or outcomes you want to achieve. By understanding the use of abstract to specific language will enable you to use these to match/mirror others and communicate more effectively in any given situation. 

Do you have behavioural flexibility?

Behavioural flexibility is the ability to be able to change your behaviour if you are not achieving the intended result or outcome. As an example, if you are communicating with a colleague about a work matter and if they look puzzled then for some reason what you are communicating is not being understood. So what should be done? You need to change your behaviour so that the other person can understand what you are saying or talking about.

Behavioural flexibility requires you to have the ability to notice whether your communication is understand through sensory acuity. Sensory acuity is about noticing minute changes that occurs in the other person’s physiology and that those changes have meaning. Minute changes occur in someone’s skin colour, skin tonus, breathing rate and location, lower lip size and eyes being focused/defocused or pupil dilated to undilated.  Other important changes include the other person’s voice tonality such as tone, tempo timbre or volume.

By having sensory acuity enables you to be a more effective communicator. By noticing changes you can then be flexible in your behaviour to produce better results.

To illustrate behavioural flexibility the following situation occurred at Albany Airport in July of this year : 

A business person arrived at Albany airport from Perth. After waiting at the carousel for over 15 minutes and most of the people had left the terminal he realised his luggage was missing. He went to the baggage claim area and said very fast “I am here on business and need my luggage for an important business meeting, I want to know where my bags are?” Baggage handler said “Hello (talking slowly)”. Again the businessman repeated himself and the baggage claim officer just said “Hello and yes?” The coin then dropped with the business person that his communication was not being conveyed to the baggage handler. So he slowed down his speech and said “G’day mate, how has your day been?” Handler said “not bad”. The business person then proceeded to mention that his luggage had not arrived and he required some assistance. This time the baggage handler mentioned he could help him.  By realising that his communication was not getting through, the passenger from Perth talked slower and “copied” the other person’s communication style, which resulted in achieving the outcome he desired.

In this real life example, the business person noticed through sensory acuity that his communication was not achieving the intended result. He changed his communication style and matched/mirrored the style of the baggage handler. By having behaviour flexibility he was able to produce the intended result of learning the location of his bags. 

What is NLP? What are the origins? What are the benefits?

NLP is the abbreviation for Neuro Linguistic Programming with neuro being related to the brain or nervous system, linguistic is language and programming is programming as in computer science. However this definition does not really define and explain what it is! NLP explores the relationship between how you think (neuro), how you communicate both verbally and non-verbally (linguistic) and your patterns of behaviour (programming). NLP is beneficial as it enables you to communicate more effectively with others, understand your internal representations of events and situations, anchor positive and empowering states which ultimately affect how you respond and behave to given situations or events. NLP is useful in eliminating limiting beliefs or negative emotions.

NLP was conceived in the early 1970’s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. Richard Bandler was a student at Santa Cruz University and into computers and Gestalt Therapy and John Grinder was a Linguistics Professor. The major influences which have played a part in NLP are: general semantics (Alfred Korzybski), logical levels (Gregory Bateson), stimulus and response (Ivan Pavlov), family therapy/meta model (Virginia Satir), hypnosis (Milton Erickson), gestalt therapy (Fritz Perls), systems theory (Galanter, Miller and Pribram), and psychology (William James).

Benefits of understanding and applying NLP

• You understand how you communicate and make internal representations of an external event and how a lot of information is deleted, generalised and distorted in some way which affects the way you interpret or make meaning of the event
• NLP can assist you to regain the deleted information
• How you can produce the best possible behaviour by following the five principles for success, the keys to an achievable outcome and ensure your goals or outcomes are well formed
• How to build rapport with others through understanding of representational systems, predicates, eye patterns and changes in physiology
• How to change your submodalities to change your behaviour for improved results
• How to create anchors for more positive and empowering behaviours
• How to improve your strategies for learning, spelling and motivation
• How to conduct more effective and outcome based meetings using NLP
• How to achieve higher sales through the 5 step sales process
• How to negotiate more effectively with others so that it is a win, win situation

The benefits of NLP are extensive and there is insufficient space to be able to list them. However, all you need to know is that NLP is an effective tool or coaching technique that will take your life and/or business to a new level of excellence. NLP can be used with individuals, groups, teams and organisations. 

How to anchor confidence for your life and/or business?

Would you like to be more in control of your state (e.g. a more positive state) for example when you need to give a presentation to a group of people, attend a meeting or meet a prospective client to make a sale? And of course you have said ‘yes’. A powerful technique you can use is anchoring.

What is anchoring? Anchoring is a process involving a stimulus and a response and when a specific stimulus is applied at the peak of an intense state then the two get linked together neurologically. The origins of anchoring go back to a famous study conducted by Ivan Pavlov when he worked with dogs and he performed stimulus and response tests. In these tests Pavlov would show a steak to the animal and then hit a tuning fork. The dog would then salivate. After repeating this number of times, he noticed that without the steak being present the dog would still salivate when hitting the tuning fork.

Did you know that in everyday life you have many anchors? Take for example the alarm clock in the morning, when you hear it, you get out of bed and start getting ready for work. The humble traffic light is an anchor, it goes red and you stop the car. Another one, the telephone rings; you get out of the chair and answer it. These are anchors in which there is a stimulus and then a response which results in your behaviour.

Why use an anchor? Well, imagine you have had a difficult morning and you must go and see a prospective client. You certainly want to have a positive state towards that client; otherwise there will be no chance of getting a sale. So by having an anchor you can change your state from being negative to one of being positive and empowered.

So how do I successfully create such an anchor?  To create an anchor remember the pneumonic device of ‘I TURN’ which stands for Intensity, Timing, Uniqueness, Replication, and Number of times. For the intensity of the experience, you must be fully associated in the experience (e.g. seen through your own eyes). For example remember a time, a specific time when you were fully motivated and see what you saw, hear what you heard and feel what you felt. The Timing of the anchor is important and you need to anchor it as you go into a state and release it just after the anchor peaks. In terms of uniqueness it needs to be a unique location on the body. A common place is the knuckle on the hand. However, if you anchor the hand, then every time someone shakes your hand, the anchor will be “watered” down and become ineffective.  The next step is the replication of the stimulus and this is all about being able to repeat it and in the same location. The last step is the number of times you anchor it. The more times you anchor it, the more effective and powerful will be the anchor.

As an example, here are the steps to anchor a state of being totally confident. You will need a partner and these are the steps you will apply to that person or vice versa. Firstly, get the person to remember an intense past experience when they were totally confident. Secondly, notice as they enter the state of being confident there will be a change in their physiology such as eyes, colour of face, skin tonus, lower lip size etc. As they enter the state of being totally confident then apply a stimulus (e.g. your finger will touch one of their knuckles and always get permission to touch them first). Thirdly as you notice the person leaving the state (as it peaks) then remove the stimulus (remove your finger from their knuckle). Now you must break their state or ask them to clear the screen or say ‘can they smell hot chips’! The last part of anchoring is to test to determine whether they return to the state of being total confident. So apply your finger to that unique anchor and notice them going into that state again.  You should apply the anchor many times, as more you do it, the more powerful the anchor will be. Any state can be anchored, give it a go and notice the changes in your life. 

What are the Indicators of Rapport?

Rapport is an important process where you create trust and responsiveness to your communication. Rapport is commonly used in business including sales, education and also coaching.

How do you know when you have created or established rapport? Firstly, you have a warm feeling inside which is normally in the centre of the body. This feeling can also be one of nervousness of even ‘butterflies’ in the stomach.

Secondly, there is a colour change which will start from the neck up and can also stretch to the face of the other person. On some occasions, you may feel the colour change and even a blushing in your own face and then the other person. Normally the colour change will occur with a minute of the warm feeling inside.

Thirdly, is when the other person has a sense of knowing you from their past. For example, they may say to you “Did we go to university together?” or “Did we work together previously?” This indicator is all about a feeling of being at home.

The last indicator of rapport is related to the concept of pacing and leading. In Neuro Linguistic Programming (or NLP) pacing occurs when you are matching and mirroring someone, and after that there is leading. For example, you crossed your left leg over your right to match the same movements of the other person. When the other person feels they are in rapport, they will be likely to want to shift their position when you do. So if you decided to uncross your legs and you move your position in the chair and then the other person followed then you have paced and lead the person into a new position. The leading part is another indicator of rapport. All these indicators can be experience in yourself and/or the other person you are communicating with.  

Remember, rapport is the process of building a relationship based on trust, harmony and understanding. It is about meeting the other person in their model of the world. Rapport is important in any relationship and is useful for when you have issues to be discussed and can assist you in preventing issues from developing into complaints and problems. Next time you are in rapport with someone, notice the feelings, colour change, the feeling of being at home and the pacing and leading. 

What are submodalities?

The representational systems or the five senses by which you make an internal representation (IR) of your world are known as visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory and gustatory. Visual is what you see, auditory is what you hear, kinesthetic is what you feel, olfactory is smell and gustatory is taste. In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) your representation of an external event is based on your five senses and these result in your state, physiology and subsequently your behaviour. This is essentially the NLP Model of Communication. These representational systems are also known as modalities.

These modalities (representational systems) can be further divided into the building blocks of the five senses. For example, how each picture (visual), sound (auditory) or feeling (kinesthetic) is composed. The submodalities of visual are: number of images, whether a picture or a movie, size or shape, colour or black and white, focused or unfocused, bright or dim, framed or not framed, associated (seen through your own eyes) or disassociated, and close or distant. Auditory submodalities can include: volume, pitch, timbre, tempo, tonality, duration, or harmony. Some of the submodalities for kinesthetic are: location within the body, sensations, pulse or breathing rate, intensity and movement or direction. Olfactory and gustatory can include sweet, sour, bitter, aromatic, fragrance or pungency.

Changing submodalities can have a profound effect on the way you think about a situation, event or even a person. For example, you have a colleague who irritates you in some manner. What you need to do is to make an image of that person and see them look at you at whichever way annoys you. Hear them say whatever it is he/she says and notice the bad feeling that occurs within your body. Then with that image change it to black and white (e.g. submodality of visual), move that image far off into the distance. Make that image of that person even smaller and smaller again. Now put a clown’s nose on their face. Next you need to hear whatever they are normally saying except they are saying it in Donald Duck’s or Mickey Mouses’ voice (e.g. submodality of auditory). Notice how you feel differently about that person.

By changing any of the submodalities of visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory and gustatory you can empower yourself in more situations and be in charge of how you respond and react to events. 

What Evidence do you have for your SMART Goals?

You are familiar with what is a SMART Goal, it is a goal that is specific, measurable, as if now, rewarding/realistic and timed. When setting a SMART Goal it is important to know in your mind what is your criterion you will use that will enable you to know that you have achieved the goal?

A good question to ask yourself is “What is the last thing that has to happen, so that you know that this goal is yours?” Another great question is “What has to happen so that you know that the goal is yours?” Asking these questions is all about having the required evidence (confirmation) so that you know you have achieved the goal.

For example, you have written down a SMART Goal that states “It is now 31 December 2010 and my weight is 60 kilograms and my bodyfat level is 12%”. From this goal you need to determine what evidence you will have so that you know the goal has been achieved. The evidence criteria that you use will not be the same as someone else with the same goal. You may decide that your evidence criteria is a pair of pants (or skirt) which were previously too tight are now loose to wear around the waist and you will also be able to now fit comfortably in your new board shorts or bikini.

As a recap in setting a goal it must be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic (or rewarding) and must be timed. A goal must always be written in the present tense and importantly you must have a criterion in mind that you will use to know whether you have achieved the goal.

Think of a goal that you set in the last few months, is it SMART and have you ascertained the criteria you will use so you know you have achieved the goal? By using both concepts you will have greater success in achieving any goal for your life or business. 

Are you listening?

What is listening? Listening is defined as the act of hearing attentively. Being an effective listener takes practice and effort. Think of a time when you had a conversation with your boss, loved one or a friend, did you really listen to them, not just hear the words, hear what they were actually saying and conveying to you in the conversation? Were you really listening or simply thinking about what you were going to say next?

There are a number of important points to be an effective listener. Firstly, you must STOP talking and give the other person time, space and silence to complete their sentence. It is quite common for people to pause before something else is said. Wait for that pause!

Another key point in effective listening is to paraphrase, summarise and clarify what the other person has said. This has the purpose of demonstrating that you are listening to them and enables you to understand the other person’s perception or point of view that is being communicated.

In any communication you must focus on the other person. By focusing on the other person they will feel acknowledged and valued for their communication. By focusing you must remove all distractions such as the email program popping up every few seconds with “new message”, mobile telephone to be on silent or vibrate and television switched off. Also, avoid looking at your watch or the clock as this will show to the other person that you have something else to do or you do not have time for them.

Importantly you must listen without making judgements.  Remember you are there for the other person, and while they are speaking to you, the communication is all about them.

In being an effective listener you must listen for what is not being said. Often body language of the other person will be incongruent with what is being said. For example, the person is saying yes they will do something and their head is going from left to right. Clearly verbally they are saying yes however with their body language they are saying no.

The next time you are listening to someone, are you providing the other person with space, silence and allowing them to pause, are you paraphrasing what has been said, are you 100% focused on the other person, are you listening without making value judgements and finally, are you listening for what is not being said? By using these principles your communication will move to a new level of excellence. 

How is Your Time Line Organised?

Your memories, experiences, decisions are all collected over a period of time and these all determine how you interpret and understand the world. You may be the kind of person who is always on time, punctual and even too early. However, you may often be late and have no concept of time.  You may have difficulty managing your time each day or you may find that you work in two jobs and have time to study and do many other tasks. Everyone has the same amount of time in their day, some are better at managing their time than others.

Everyone has a time line and its purpose helps you to code the past, the present and the future, thereby knowing where the past was, the present and the future. Many of the techniques used in coaching are based on the idea that people will organise time either consciously or unconsciously in their minds to make sense of the world and their surroundings. So how do you organise time?

Now, stop for a moment and think of where your past is and where the future is for you. Consider the memories and experiences that have occurred in the past have a certain direction for you. These memories are stored in a certain location for you so that you can determine the difference between the past and your future.  There are also events which you have set in your future and which are different from your past as you have organised them differently. Now, point to the past and to the future. These may be from left to right, front to back, up or down or another combination. To what direction did you point for your past? To what direction did you point towards your future?

Your time line and your representation of it can either be “through time” or “in time”. If you have your time line through time then your time is organised either left to right, up to down, or in a ‘v’ shape where the past, present and future are all in front you. If you time line is through time then the time line does not intersect your body. If you are a in time person, then the time line will go through your body irrespective of whether its left to right, up to down or in a “v” shape or some other pattern.

There are many characteristics related to how you organise your time line as either through or in time. If you are through time then more than likely you are on time and know when you are late, store memories in a disassociated way (e.g. you see yourself in the memory rather than appearing through your own eyes), you may experience difficulty concentrating in a busy environment, you will establish deadlines at work and you will have a more orderly and planned existence. If you are in time (time line dissects your body) then if you are late by 15 minutes you may not be aware of it, you find it easier to be in the present (or the now), you can prefer to keep your options open and not make decisions immediately, you may have trouble sorting out tasks and you look at work and play being the same thing. You will enjoy a spontaneous and flexible or open ended existence.

Your time line is all about how you interpret the world and organise your events as being past, present and future. How is your time line organised? 

What is the NLP Model of Communication?

The NLP Model of Communication is based on Cognitive Psychology and was developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. The NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming Model explains how you process information that comes in from the world around you.

The NLP Model starts with the following: you experience an external event through your senses and these senses are visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), kinesthetic (feeling), olfactory (smell) and gustatory (taste).

After you experience the event through the senses, the event is filtered by your meta-programs, values, beliefs, decisions and memories and these filters delete, generalise and distort the information, so that the information can be managed in “manageable” chunks through your mind/nervous system. In reality you are bombarded with 2 million bits of information per second and if not for this filtering process you would not be able to cope with all the information coming your way.

You may wonder, 2 million bits of information per second? Yes. While you are reading this Blog there is so much information coming into your senses including the sound and feeling of your heart beating, your breathing, the feel of your clothes on your skin, your posture in the chair, the sounds of the TV, radio or family in another room, your eyes blinking and it goes on, and on and on. Through this filtering it enables you to make sense of the world, however, a lot of information as mentioned is deleted, distorted and generalised.

The filters are:  Meta-programs are filters in the way you perceive the world around you. Values are how you decide whether your actions or behaviour is good or bad. Beliefs are convictions that certain things are true. Decisions are the choices you made in the past and memories are your recollections of past experiences and events that have happened in your life.

After the information has been filtered through the meta-programs etc, and it has been deleted, distorted and generalised you make an internal representation (IR) of that event or situation. In turn, that IR becomes your state and creates the behaviour in response to that event.

Think about it for a moment, each and every day you are filtering information so that you can make sense of the world. What information do you think you may have deleted, distorted or generalised when communicating?

The purpose of the NLP Communication Model is to understand how you and others communicate and make sense of the world and your surroundings. Remember: you are unique and you always do your best in any given moment with all the resources that you had available at that time. 

There is no failure, ONLY feedback

In Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) there are a number of presuppositions. These are assumptions or beliefs that are adopted. By adopting a number of beliefs or assumptions in NLP it assists in improving a person’s results whether in business, education, or personally.

One of these assumptions is related to feedback. The assumption is: “there is no failure, ONLY feedback”. In any situation, whether at work or personally, you should always welcome feedback, as by accepting feedback, you are going to improve your behaviour and by improving your behaviour in any situation or event you will get far better results. If everything that happens is only feedback then it means that we are all learning machines, throughout your life no matter what you are doing, you are learning, receiving feedback and using that feedback to gain better results.

As an example, if you are communicating with a colleague or your partner and you are not getting the response you want, what should you do? You should change your communication as in any situation there is no failure, there is only feedback. Feedback is all about learning and by learning you create better results.

What feedback have you received today and can use in your life to achieve improved results? 

How powerful is the unconscious mind?

How powerful do you think is the unconscious mind? It is very powerful and you need to be always being ‘mindful” of the language you use. Take for an example, if you tell your child “don’t slam the door” or “don’t forget the milk from the shops”. Guess what happens? The unconscious mind is unable to process negatives. So the negative such as ‘don’t’ will be deleted or removed and the child will then slam the door or forget the milk from the shop. Sometimes people will say “I will not get fat”, immediately the ‘not’ is filtered out by the unconscious mind and instead will focus on gaining weight. Therefore, it is important when using language focus on language and words that involve what you do want as opposed to what you don’t want. By determining what you do want, will enable your unconscious mind to move towards the necessary action to achieve your outcomes or goals (e.g. SMART Goals).

The unconscious mind is so powerful that it records all your memories and events that have happened to you since birth. You are probably saying, I can’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday. Well, in 1957 a doctor decided to drill a hole in a lady’s brain in an attempt to cure her epilepsy. He spent time probing around her brain with an electrode (and she was conscious) and by doing this she was able to remember details from a birthday party when she was two. She could recall what her parents were saying, what type of dress she was wearing and even the smell of the cake. This was a memory that she had not recalled until then, and demonstrates that everything that occurs in our lives are recorded however not always remembered.

Another example, of the power of the unconscious mind is, you wake up in the morning and make a decision there and then, “I feel terrible and I am going to have a bad day”. Again, guess what happens? You are right, all that you have mentioned occurs. Why? Through your language you are directing your unconscious mind to focus on feeling terrible and having a bad day. Instead, get out of bed, and even though it’s a Monday, say to yourself “I am alive; I like my job and today is a good day”. This will create a more positive frame of mind.

Finally, a common example used in coaching, is the pink elephant. If I say to you now, don’t think of a pink elephant. What are you thinking of? Yes the pink elephant. Demonstrating again the power of the unconscious mind.

Remember, what you focus on is what you get…

Representational Systems – Other Indicators (e.g. Body posture, tonality)

In the last few Blogs, it has been discussed that words and predicates are important to understand the representational systems of others. These representational systems give you an idea of how people are making sense of and interpreting the world around them. A person’s primary representational system can be auditory, visual, kinesthetic or auditory digital and by understanding the words and predicates you can speak the other person’s “language” and create rapport and greater trust in the relationship.

Words and predicates are just one of the ways to be able to “read” a person’s primary representational system. Other cues are related to posture, body shape and tonality.

Beginning with the primary representational system of “visual”, visual people will often have a posture that is straight, with head and shoulders up. Their body type and movements can be thin or obese, tight and jerky. Breathing will be high in their chest and their voice tonality, speed and volume is high, clear, fast and loud. Their rule for looking while listening is “look to listen”.

For people who are highly “auditory” some of the characteristics are: body shape tends to be towards the slim rather than obese and when they speak or communicate they maintain more control over their auditory part of communication. So they can maintain more control over their auditory aspects of the speech, they will tend to have a fuller range of breathing and a larger rib cage than “visuals”. Their posture can be described as being a telephone type posture with their head titled to one side of their body. Their rule for looking and listening is “don’t look to listen”.

People who operate primarily out of the kinesthetic tend to have a posture than is curved, bowed and head and shoulders down. Their breathing is lower and more into the abdomen. They respond to touching and physical rewards, they can move and talk very slowly. Also they stand closer to people than someone who is visual. Kinesthetics would rather touch rather than look at the person.

The last primary representational system is auditory digital. Some of the characteristics are: they will speak in a clipped and crisp monotone. As tone variations are not important to them they will tend to display breathing patterns more like “visuals” such as being higher up in their chest. An “auditory digital” person is like a “visual” in that they can be dissociated from their feelings. The body type is similar to someone who is primarily kinesthetic being soft, full and rigid. They will tend to have no eye contact while listening to the other person.

Remember, we all have the ability to be any one or combination of these categories at different points in time and in our lives. These are only just some hints of whether someone has a primary representational system of auditory, visual, kinesthetic or auditory digital. When determining someone’s primary representational system, in addition to posture and body cues and tonality, words and predicates should be considered too.

Understanding someone’s primary representational system is all about understanding how that person views and makes sense of the world around them. Then, by speaking their “language” you are able to create much greater rapport and trust in the relationship. And that would certainly be powerful for any relationship, wouldn’t it? 

What are Predicates?

In a recent Blog about Representational System Preference it was discussed that everyone will have a primary representational system for the processing of information. The primary representational system can be visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), kinesthetic (feeling) and auditory digital (self-talk).

A person’s primary representational system can largely be picked up by the words and phrases they use. These groups of words are often referred to as predicates. Predicates are the verbs, adverbs and adjectives used by a person to presuppose one of the major representational systems. Next time you are speaking with someone and you are listening to what they are saying notice that there are times when a majority of the predicates he/she uses refers to one system more often than others. These can be visual, auditory, kinesthetic or auditory digital. The use of predicates is occurring at an unconscious level.

The following phrases are examples of predicates used by each representational system.

Visual: common phrases including “beyond a shadow of a doubt”, “bird’s eye view”, “catch a glimpse of”, “in light of”, “short sighted”, “paint a picture”, “sight for sore eyes”, “tunnel vision”, or “up front”.

Auditory: phrases used by this representational system can include, “clear as a bell”, “give me your ear”, “hold your tongue”, “loud and clear”, “manner of speaking”, “pay attention to”, “purrs like a kitten”, “to tell the truth”, “tongue tied”, “voiced an opinion” or “word for word”.

Kinesthetic common phrases include: “all washed up”, “chip off the old block”, “come to grips with”, “get the drift of”, “heated argument”, “keep your shirt on”, “pain in the neck”, “sharp as a tack” and “smooth operator” or “stiff upper lip”.

Auditory digital representational system will often use a combination of all the previously mentioned systems and some common predicate phrases are: “describe in detail”, “figure it out”, “make sense of”, “and pay attention to” or “without a doubt”.

These representational systems indicates the process by which people will create their models of the world (e.g. make sense of their environment) and provide you as the listener with a format by which you can understand how and what they experience.

After reading this Blog, have a conversation with a family member, a colleague or a client and notice their primary representational system by listening to the major predicates they are using. By understanding the other person’s primary representational system you can speak to the other person by using his/her own “language” and through this you will create greater rapport and trust in the relationship. 

What is your Representational System Preference?

A major discovery of Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP is that most people will process information (or their world) mainly through one or more primary senses.  These senses are visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), kinesthetic (feelings), and auditory digital (self-talk).

You have probably heard people use common phrases such as “I see what you mean”, “I hear what you are saying”, “I catch on’’ and “That makes sense to me”. These are insights into how a person’s mind is working and how they make sense of their world through their major (primary) representational system.

Why is it important to understand a person’s primary representational system? If you understand someone’s primary representational system then you can speak to them in such a way that gives them meaning and enables you to gain rapport with their unconscious mind. As discussed in a previous Blog, rapport is important so you build a relationship based on trust, harmony and understanding. Rapport is very important for all communication such as business, sales and education.

There are a number of key words used by each representational system. People who are visual will use words such as see, look, show, dawn, illuminate, imagine, clear, foggy, focused, hazy, picture or crystal. Another distinction is that visual people will memorise by seeing pictures, less distracted by noise and have difficulty at times remembering and are bored by long verbal instructions. If they are buying from you, then they will be interested in the way the product looks.

Those who have a preference for the auditory system will use words including hear, listen, sounds, make music, tune in/out, be all ears, rings a bell, resonate, deaf, question or hearing. These people are easily distracted by noise and will repeat things back to you and learn by listening. Auditory people love to listen to music and talk on the telephone.

People with a kinesthetic preference will use such words as feel, touch, grasp, catch on, tap into, make contact, throw out, turn around, unfeeling, concrete, get a handle on, solid or scrape. These people can talk slowly, respond to physical rewards and touching and will memorise by doing or walking through something. People who are kinesthetic and are interested in buying from you will want the product to feel right to them or will have a gut feeling that it is the correct thing to do.

People who are auditory digital use common words as sense, experience, understand, logical, process, decide, motivate, consider, change, perceive, insensitive, distinct, conceive or know. People using this as their primary representational system will spend a fair amount of time talking to themselves. They will memorise by steps and procedures and will want to know that any product they are purchasing makes sense.

With these representational systems we are always a combination of the four, however there is one which is our major or primary system by which we understand the world and make sense of our own environment. By understanding other people’s primary representational system you can then speak in their language to build rapport and gain trust and harmony in the relationship. This can apply to any relationship whether as a partner, parent, child, teacher, student, in business, in sales or in any everyday life.

What are your SMART Goals?

What is your dream for your future? Is it a new car? Are you seeking a new job? Do you want to get fit and have the body of a famous movie star? We all have different dreams for our lives. To be able to make your dream a reality, you must set goals that are SMART.

If you say to yourself “I will find a new job” or “I will make more profit this year for my business”, these are merely vague statements or dreams, instead you need to be able to set short term and long term goals to be able achieve them. You must set goals that are SMART.

The acronym, SMART has been around for many years and is used to explain goal setting. SMART refers to goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timed.  

Specific: goals need to be specific. Often when a goal is set it is very loose and more than likely not possible to achieve. For example, you have a fitness goal of “I will lose weight”. This goal is unclear and how will you know when you have reached your goal? Instead to make it specific, you could say “I will lose 5 kilograms of weight this month”. At the end of this month you would then measure your goal by hoping onto the scales.

Measurable: the goal needs to be measurable in some way. For example, you are a personal trainer and you say “I want to increase the number of new contacts I have on my database”. However by saying “…increase the number of new contacts” is a vague statement and what is the end result? A better goal would be “At the end of this month I would have attended 6 networking events and connected with at least one person at each event”. This is clear and by the end of the month you will know whether you have achieved your goal.

Achievable: goals must be reasonable, a stretch and a challenge. For example, you want to lose weight this month and your goal is to lose 50 kilograms, clearly this is not achievable unless of course you are having some sort of surgery. This goal would certainly be out of reach and a goal of losing 4 - 6 kilograms would be more reasonable and achievable.  

Realistic: goals need to be realistic. For example, you enjoy playing tennis on the weekend with family and friends. You are 46 years old and you have a goal to play at Wimbledon in 2011. Be honest, how realistic is this goal?

Timed: goals need to have a time frame. By having a time frame the goals will have a structure. For example, you have a goal to get a new job. However with no time frame there is no sense of urgency and there is no reason to take any action today. By having timed specific goals will give you the necessary “push” to get started. Timed goals also assist in measuring your progress as you move towards your goal.

So right now visualise a goal that you want to achieve and notice what happens when the goal is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timed. Notice how it feels, notice what people are saying to you and notice what you are hearing when you have achieved a SMART goal. 

What is Sensory Acuity?

In a recent Blog (What are your principles for success) it was discussed that if you have a desired outcome then one of the steps involved sensory acuity which is the ability to notice what is occurring as you are taking action. For example, you are communicating to your boss (or a friend) and you notice that the information is being well received and understood, and then you don’t need to change anything, simply keep communicating. Instead, what would happen if what you were saying was not well received or understood by your boss? Then, you must change your behaviour and communicate differently.

What do you need to know to have the appropriate sensory acuity that your communication is being understood by the other person? You need to observe the other person and be perceptive of changes in their physiology, voice tone and their energy as these can all indicate a change in their internal thoughts and emotional state. Generally you need to notice subtle changes in their skin colour, skin tone, breathing, lower lip size and the eyes.

A person’s skin colour can shift from light to dark and if you imagine that you were looking at a black and white photo then you are able to see the changes from light to dark. Skin tone (tonus) is essentially the tension of the muscles underneath the face. Skin tonus can vary from being symmetrical to unsymmetrical. The next subtle indication is changes in the breathing, breathing rate can vary between fast to slow and the location can be high in the chest or low in the stomach or somewhere in between. Lower lip size can easily change from moment to moment and generally changes will involve the lower lip being filled with blood which means fewer lines. Conversely when there is less blood then there are more lines. The final subtle change to be noticed is the eyes. The eyes will change from being focused to defocused and from dilated to undilated.

A great way to practice is to ask a friend to think of someone they do not like and observe the skin colour, skin tonus, breathing, lower lip and the eyes. Then ask them again to think of someone they like or even love. Guess what? By comparing you will become aware of how the skin colour and tonus, breathing, lower lip size and eyes are different from when the person was thinking of someone they dislike.

These subtle differences are very powerful and will assist you in determining whether the information you are communicating is being understood. These subtle changes can also be used in situations when you would like to know whether someone is telling you the truth or lying. It should be remembered though that one person’s change in skin colour, eyes, breathing etc when they are lying will be different to someone else.

Having sensory acuity is all about gaining awareness into someone’s state of mind through any associated changes in the body and physiology. 

Establishing Rapport

Have you ever been talking to someone and had a feeling of warmth inside, a colour change in yourself or noticed it in the other person, or the other person says ‘Don’t I know you from somewhere?’, and when you move forward in the conversation (lead) and they follow, then it is likely that rapport has been established.

What is Rapport? Rapport is the process of building a relationship based on trust, harmony and understanding. It is about meeting the other person in their model of the world. Rapport is important in any relationship and useful for when you have issues to be discussed and can assist you in preventing issues from developing into complaints and problems.

When communicating, words consist of 7% of the communication, tonality 38% and 55% through physiology. Therefore 93% of communication is unconscious to the other person. Rapport is all about establishing common ground unconsciously.

Rapport is created through matching and mirroring the other person’s physiology, tonality and words. As physiology is 55% of our communication you can match and mirror someone’s posture, gestures, facial expressions, blink rate of the eyes and breathing. For example, a person is seated opposite and you are discussing with them an idea, they cross their right leg and you can either cross your right leg (which is matching) or cross your left leg (which is mirroring as in a mirror image). Importantly all matching and mirroring must be subtle and not obvious to the other person. You can also match someone’s breathing which means you match the in and out breath.

Tonality of the voice is made up of 38% of communication, so another way to create rapport is by matching their voice. This includes the tone, tempo, timbre (quality of the voice), and the volume. You can also match someone’s key words, maybe they say ‘as a matter of fact’ often, then use those words in a sentence several times during the conversation.

Other ways of establishing rapport includes matching chunk size which is the size of the pieces of information in another person’s speech, and also match their common experiences and associations.

In creating rapport it is important to match and mirror someone in a way that is subtle and is outside the other person’s conscious awareness. Rapport is important in any environment, whether it involves sales, teaching, or personal and business relationships. Next time you are in a conversation with someone and notice the other person is not listening then ask yourself is their rapport between us? If not, match and mirror their physiology, tonality and their words and notice the difference it makes to the relationship. 

Are your goals or outcomes well formed?

At any time when you set a goal or have an outcome, it needs to be well formed.

How do you ensure a goal/outcome is well formed? Well, it must meet the following conditions:

1.  The goal or outcome must be stated in positive terms. State specifically what you want to achieve rather than what you don’t want.

2.  The goal must be initiated and maintained by you. Remember, if your goal depends on others then you will not have complete control over it. 

3.  Specify the steps that you need to take to achieve the outcome (e.g. use small and simple steps so that the goal/outcome is do-able).

4.  It must be ecological. The goal or outcome must be congruent with self and also with the people around you such as family, friends and colleagues and society as a whole (including legal, ethical and moral). Finally in today’s modern world the goal should be good for the planet.

5.  Always look for other options or alternatives, as often there is more than one way to achieve the outcome you are seeking.

6.  The initial step must be specified and achievable.

7.  The last condition requires the goal or outcome to increase choice.

If all of the above conditions are met, then the goal/outcome is well formed and you can now start taking your first steps to achieving the outcome. Importantly, along the way enjoy the journey to achieving your goal. 

What are the keys to an achievable outcome?

In achieving any goal you must know the outcome. In knowing the outcome there are a number of steps (keys) which should be followed. These are:

1.    The outcome must be stated in the positive or state specifically what you want and not what you don’t want!

2.    Specify where you are now in relation to the outcome (your current position)

3.   Specify the outcome you want by using your senses to experience what it will be like when you have the outcome (e.g. what you will see, hear, feel and say to yourself) and make it as compelling as possible and written in the present tense

4.   Specify the evidence that you will need to obtain to confirm achievement of the outcome (e.g. how will you know you will have it?)

5.   What will this outcome get for you or allow you to do? (Is it congruently desirable and are you sure you want it?)

6.   Is it self-initiated or self-maintained? (E.g. is the outcome only for you?)

7.   Is the outcome appropriately put into context? (E.g. where, when, how and with whom do you want it?)

8.   What resources are required to achieve the outcome (if any)? If unsure of the resources then ask: have I done this before? Do I know anyone else who has done it? Can I act as if I have achieved it?

9.    Is the outcome you want ecological? (E.g. For what purpose do you want this? What will you gain or lose if you have it?)

By following these key steps, it will move you toward the outcomes you have specified. This can be used for any type of goal, including personal, business, spiritual, relationships etc. First determine the outcome and then follow the other key steps. 

What is a state versus a goal?

Did you know that there is a difference between a state and a goal? Often people will say they have a goal to be happy when… However, being happy is possible right now. You do not need to wait for happiness, there is no need to wait for the ducks to line up on the wall, the children to leave home or retire from work. Happiness is obtainable right now. All you need to do is to remember a specific time in your life when you were totally happy, remember what was being said to you, recall the feelings and the sounds and sights that were heard and seen. Happiness is not a goal it is a state or value that you can have now.

A value or state is stated ambiguously, written as affirmations, you can have it right now, and no steps need to be taken to receive it. Instead a goal (outcome) must be stated specifically, must be written as goals, time is involved to achieve them, steps are needed to complete them (e.g. determine the outcome and then work backwards) and goals are measurable and stated for self only.

Next time you would like to achieve something, determine whether it’s a state or a goal. If it’s a state then you can have it right now. If it is a goal then you must determine the outcome, work out the steps involved and measure them accordingly. 

What are your principles for success in life, business or generally?

In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) in order to have success in anything you do, you must know what you want to achieve and this is the first principle for success. For example, your outcome may be related to starting up your own business, changing jobs or simply being a success in handling your finances.  The five steps of the Success Principles are:

1.   Know your outcome – what do you want to achieve, what is the end result?

2.   Take action – it is very common for people to have an outcome set, however they do not take action. How can you achieve the outcome if you fail to take action?

3.   Have sensory acuity through your senses to notice what is occurring as you are taking action. Is the action you are taking moving you towards the required outcome?

4.    Have behavioural flexibility – leading on from step 3, if step 3 is not moving you towards the required outcome then change your behaviour and do something different that moves you towards your required goal.

5.   Take on a physiology and psychology of excellence – think about what you want and ensure that your thoughts, how you stand, how you hold self, how you talk reflects what you want as your end result.

Next time you want to be a success at something, use these five principles and notice how you are moving towards your outcome or goal! 

Are you at cause or effect? Which is more empowering?

How do you see your life? Are you at cause or are you at effect?

Generally it is more empowering for cause & effect. So, what is the difference between cause and effect and why is cause more empowering for you, your life and your world?

Cause is when you believe that everything that happens in your world and your life is the result of your own actions. People who are at cause will produce great results. Being at cause is more empowering and satisfying than being at effect.  Cause is all about taking ownership, being accountable and responsible for what happens.

Being at effect is all about believing what has happened in your world is the result of what someone else has done to you. In this situation you may have many reasons for why you did not get things done or achieve results for your life. People who are at effect will blame others, make excuses and deny it is the result of their actions. Being at effect is not empowering at all and definitely not very satisfying.

Today, what decision do you need to make? Will you be at cause or effect? The choice is yours.